I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I still have a little drunk in my system
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
