So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
