she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
