this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
