Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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