it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
