it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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