you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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