Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
