Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
