omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
