Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
