One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
