Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
