god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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