brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
