I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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