he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
