Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
