U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
