either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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