I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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