I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
