You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
