Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
