haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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