I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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