did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
