I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
