as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
