Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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