all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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