just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
