I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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