In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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