matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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