I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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