There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
