i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
