You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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