I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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