Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
