I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
