I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
