so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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