do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
