Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
