his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
