Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
