Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
