when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
