I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize