He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
