she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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