its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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