yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
