UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
