I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just made out with a guy for $7.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
