I accidentally had phone sex last night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
