im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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