Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
