shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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