i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
