Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
