I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
