I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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