I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
