I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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